Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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