I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
