fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
