Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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