Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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