You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
birth control should be required to get into college
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
