Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
only you would photoshop your dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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