If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
