too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
