i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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