She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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