I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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