Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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