But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
