Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
People in love make me want to vomit
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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