i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
