Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
