I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
