I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
