he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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