Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
