I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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