just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
