Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
