That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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