you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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