Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
