matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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