We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
