Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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