Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
