She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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