My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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