all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
