I want to make a zoo with you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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