can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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