I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
