I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
