Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
