Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
