you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
