well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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