this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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