yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
