Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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