so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
