we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
