im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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