Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
