I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
