Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
