i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
