Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
