We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
