I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
