I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
