talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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