your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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