Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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