It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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