I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
