I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
