I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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