3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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