just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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