Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
