lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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