Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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