Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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