I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
