last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
