My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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