My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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