so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
