I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
