oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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