I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
